I was wondering how long it would last...

It was great at the beginning... I've never really known what it was like being included, but it felt really nice.  I actually felt like I was liked a little bit, worth something... but I wondered just how long it would last.  It was nice while it did, I had that warm fuzzy feeling - you know the one I'm talking about.  And actually, it lasted longer than I thought it would.  I tried to, in my way, contribute what I thought you wanted or needed, never really knowing if it was right, but trying anyway without trying too hard (I mean, if I tried hard, then it would be even more painful when it was over).  It seemed to me as if you searched me out because you thought I was 'somebody' and therefore had an expectation of what you could get from me/I could contribute... I'm sorry to disappoint.... I'm just me, plain and simple (or not so simple as the case may be).  Now you've grown weary of that plainness & simplicity with all it's issues and have moved on... maybe I shouldn't have let down my guard quite so much, and tried to be the 'somebody' you thought I was... but probably not.  I was created by our heavenly Father uniquely, and though I don't say things in a way that truly expresses my heart- well, actally, I guess it does- it expresses my fear of people & their judgment/expectations of me...
Well, anyway, even though you've moved on, and I've felt badly about that, I thank you, Dear One, for teaching me to guard my heart, even when with trusted brothers and sisters in Christ, to not let my guard down for even a second no matter how comfortable I am, but to seek giving Him glory every moment, for teaching me to just be who God created me to be, and not seek to please man, but please Him and not succumb to my natural, fleshly fears of man.....  for all this I thank you.... I still love you and will continue in prayer for you and maybe someday the Lord will bless me with what I am seeking in His perfect time...